Leader Blues

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

EDITORIAL >> Prosecutor can make ’em talk

WASHINGTON — Re-porter: Could you loosen the electrodes, please?

Special Prosecutor: No. Just answer the questions.

Reporter: But I don’t know anything! That’s why I’m a reporter!

Special Prosecutor: Do you know Karl Rove?

Reporter: Not really. YEOWWW!

Special Prosecutor: That was a three. The generator goes up to 10. Do you want me to turn it higher?

Reporter: No, no! I’ll talk!

Special Pro-secutor: I’ll show you a picture. Is that you in the picture?

Reporter: Yes. It must have been taken at the last White House Christmas party. That’s the only time I wear my blue suit.

Special Prosecutor: And who is that man 10 feet behind you, eating baby lamb chops?

Reporter: I ... I’m not sure. YEOWWW!!

Special Prosecutor: That was a four. Now, I ask you again, who is the man behind you eating baby lamp chops?

Reporter: It’s Rove! Karl Rove!

Special Prosecutor: So you do know him.

Reporter: I know him. Everybody knows him. But he doesn’t return my phone calls.

Special Prosecutor: Does he use a mail drop? Or a podcast? Does he ever IM you? Does he use the screen name UnindictedBoyGenius?

Reporter: No, I swear.

Special Prosecutor: Do you know Valerie Flame, a.k.a Victoria Wilson, a.k.a Wood-row Wilson, a.k.a. Queen Victoria?

Reporter: Those people don’t exist. YEOOWWW! I mean they are the names that Judy Miller, The New York Times reporter, wrote in her notebook! But when she wrote Valerie Flame, she really meant Valerie Plame. And when she wrote Victoria Wilson, she really meant Valerie Wilson.

Special Prosecutor: Yes, it was a code. A clever code that took my team of code-breakers 22 months and $17 million to break. I show you a second picture. Do you recognize the man standing next to Karl Rove at the White House Christmas party?

Reporter: The man cutting up his baby lamb chops for him? That’s Scooter Libby.

Special Prosecutor: Our code-breakers, supplemented by a special team from Halli-burton, have cracked that code, too. “Scooter” Libby is really Lewis Libby.

Reporter: Everybody knows that. YEOWWW! I mean, good work.

Special Prosecutor: On June 23, 2003, Judy Miller met with Lewis, a.k.a. Scooter, a.k.a. Skateboard, a.k.a Rollerblade Libby in the Old Executive Office Building. At that meeting, Libby might have told her that the wife of former Ambassador Joseph Wilson IV might work at the CIA. Miller wrote, “Wife works at bureau?” in her notebook. Do you deny that?

Reporter: No, except that the CIA is an agency, not a bureau.

Special Prosecutor: Why do reporters get things so wrong in their notes?

Reporter: It makes it easier to make things up later.

Special Prosecutor: Who is “Miss Run Amok”?

Reporter: That is what Judy Miller calls herself.

Special Prosecutor: Did you know that Miss Run Amok spelled backward is “Koma Nur Sim?”

Reporter: What does that mean?

Special Prosecutor: We think it’s more code. Bob Novak spelled backward is Kav On Bob. There’s a pattern there. Given several more years and a billion more dollars, we might be able to crack it.

Reporter: Why are you keeping me here?

Special Prosecutor: We want to know who leaked the identity of Valerie Plame, a.k.a. Victoria Wilson, a.k.a Victoria’s Secret to Bob Novak.
Reporter: Why don’t you just ask Bob Novak?

Special Prosecutor: That would be too easy. OK, you can go now.

Reporter: How long have I been here?

Special Prosecutor: Two months.

Reporter: Hey, how about keeping me another 30 days? I need it for my book deal. YEOWWW!